Kenneth Grieslie

There aren't many people at ERHS that associate with M. I mean, most people either don't acknowledge it at all, or they see the fact that I associate with it and am a social outcast. I also think that a reputation altering incident M had with one particular person has to do with everyone's avoidance with it. The sad thing is, no one really knows about the incident except me, M's confidant and friend. The only thing everyone knows, is how the incident affected Kenneth Grieslie.

Kenneth Grieslie was the blonde haired, blue eyed, all-American, boy next door type. He was kind, pretty good looking, kept up an A/B average, and played baseball on the embarrassing ERHS basball team. For the most part, he was nothing more than a blip on the status defining radar of popularity. It wasn't until every spring, when baseball season commenced, that people started paying him any attention. Whether it was the annual debut of his perfectly sculpted glutes that hid under baggy jeans for the majority of the year, or his somewhat above average skills on the pitcher's mound that had everyone up in arms, is arguable.

---

"Hey, are we going to the baseball game this afternoon?" M asked one cool April day last school year. We had stopped by my locker on the way to seventh period.

"And why do you want to go to that, M?" I asked. "I thought you were more a softball fan." At the, time I was almost certain of M's gender. I have to admit that I was prying more than I usually do, especially since I found myself taking a particular liking to the softball chicks and wondered if M and I shared the same gender, or at least the same taste in gender.

"I thought I explained to you why I went through that softball phase," M huffed, seemingly frustrated. At that point, I decided I wasn't going to ask anymore. Being so nosy was definitely one of my more crowd-following moments. I was sorry I asked, until M's next statement led to even more intrigue. "It was sophomore year and I was sitting next to Kenneth Grieslie in Biology. I overheard Nigel and Jadria talking about how he had an amazing ass, so I figured it might be worth my time to get to know him."

"Oh yeah," I said, popping out of my locker and leaning against the ajar door. "Dreamy Kenny Grieslie," I pretended to swoon. I truly didn't remember M's fascination with Kenneth. In all honesty, M's interest probably was overshadowed by the rest of the school's. "So which one ended up getting with Kenneth? Nigel or Jadria?"

As M continued to growl, I couldn't tell whether it was me or the discussion that was upsetting M.
"Hell if I know. I'm sure Jadria tried, if not succeeded. But I know there's pretty much no way that Kenneth would be interested in Nigel," M grumbled. Nigel Lendley was our openly gay class president, who was every ERHS girl's 'gaybestfriend'.

M then began to explain how through softball, it was able to make a modest connection with Kenneth, which not only established a genuine interest in him, but something that actually resembled a friendship. I closed my locker and listened intently as M delved into what appeared to be tangible feelings for Kenneth.

"So we would talk in class, and every now and then, we'd chat on the phone. Usually it was about Biology. He was sure that he had some sort of science deficiency," M giggled, a lighthearted aside from it's earlier frustration, "so I would go over stuff from class with him on the phone. It continued all through that year, and now into this year since we're in Chemistry together. Now, it's kind of pissing me off, that we never do anything together in person other than attend science classes."

"So do you... like Kenneth?" I vowed that this would be my last question, seeing how a hopefully honest answer would place M in a category with either Nigel or Jadria.

"Well," M began as the bell rang. "Shit! I've gotta get down to shop class. Meet me at the gate to the baseball field at 6:30 tonight, okay?"As M jogged to the stairwell, I realized that still, I was left confused as hell about M.

Going to that evening's baseball game and the events that transpired afterwards didn't seem to clear much up either. It gave me not as much insight into M as it did Kenneth. He definitely waved at M as he took the pitcher's mound that night--an action that led to whispers not only in the stands but on the baseball diamond. The following day, M was definitely in better spirits than it was during our locker conversation the day before.

"So Kenneth and I are studying at my house tonight for tomorrow's Chemistry test!" M was trying way too hard to not sound excited.

"Really?" I asked. "You will have the nicest ass at East Ricercrest in your house! Are you excited?!"

M seemed to blush, but immediately composed itself as it readjusted it's shop project that rested in it's hands along with a Chemistry book and some loose cash. As we departed for seventh period, M took a purple velcro wallet out of it's back pocket, placed the loose bills inside next to what appeared to be a condom, and shoved it back in it's pants.

I was confused again.

That evening, Kenneth Grieslie showed up at M's house at 7. After he returned home at 8:15, he got a call from head baseball coach, Al Winters. Coach Winters explained to Kenneth that the other guys on the team were uncomfortable with Kenneth due to some suspicions that arose after his acknowledgement of a certain individual at the game the day before.

"So Kenneth resigned from the team," M told me the next day right before it's Chemistry class. It was clearly not as thrilled as it was after it scheduled the study date with Kenneth.

"Sounds to me like he was kicked off," I speculated.

"No shit, Sherlock," M spat. "And it's all my fucking fault. Do you know what it feels like to be responsible for someone else's demise? I mean, Kenneth was hoping to get a baseball scholarship somewhere." I knew that wasn't going to happen, unless they gave scholarships for firm bubble butts. Still, M continued, "Now I am the reason why he's not on the team anymore. And for what reason? People don't know me! What's so wrong with a guy talking to me? If they just took the time to get to know me or even ask, they'd realize that I'm--" I stood there ready for the long awaited revelation as M stopped dead in mid-sentence. "Kenneth?"

Walking towards the Chemistry lab was Kenneth Grieslie. He was wearing all black and had strange drawings in black permanent ink on his arms and hands. He didn't hear M call to him, and it seemed like he hadn't really heard anything all day. This was a good thing because obviously, the talk around the school was that the dude with the nicest ass in the school had made an ass out of himself by associating with 'that M freak'.

---

Kenneth's amazing backside is now only referred to as a myth. It hasn't been seen in a red striped baseball jersey since the day before his life altering study date with M last year. Ever since that day, his image has been more that of an emo. He wears all black--usually army surplus cargos and t-shirts of indie emo bands. He also sports greasy dyed black hair and black fingernail polish. The black permanent marker tatoos that appeared the day after the study date are still part of his appearance, which makes him appear highly unwashed. None of his drawings ever seem to wash off, which I always consider highly ironic, but never impart to M. I honestly don't think M could stomach my cynical thought that even though Kenneth Grieslie's new image never seems to wash off, his former flawless, typical, everyday teenage image was so quickly and permanently stripped from him.

Keisha Abercrombie

After Councilman Charles Tollison's naked incident, East Rivercresters were forced to elect someone to take his spot. Charles Tollison's seat at City Hall hadn't been vacant for more than 20 years, so when this dilemma presented itself, people looked to the most highly respected and influential residents of East Rivercrest. On the ballot were Rev. Franklin Towers, pastor of First Baptist Church of East Rivercrest; Juliet Tollison, daughter of ex-councilman, Charles; and Gregory Abercrombie, owner of Lick's Ribs and Barbecue.

This epic election was huge in the city of East Rivercrest due to the demographics of the candidates. However, a heightened sense of liberalism in the city and the fear that a radical conservative (or a Tollison) would once again leave them with their pants down, had it in the bag for local rib king, Greg Abercrombie. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that Greg Abercrombie is a black guy.

See, normally in East Rivercrest, people aren't too highly concerned with race. Most of the city is comprised of educated and intelligent whites and a sprinkling of equally educated and intelligent blacks that just seem to blend in. So the fact that he was black didn't seem like it was going to hurt or help Greg. Unfortunately, Juliet Tollison had nothing to stand on, seeing how she was a mere idle housewife that came from a once respected family. This is why she did what any other status hungry home alone trophy wife would do--planned an all out attack on the beloved restauranteur.

No one even thought twice about Juliet's attempts to tarnish the flawless name of Greg Abercrombie. Even when she stood outside of Lick's trying to discourage people from eating there, people got through her couture dressed picket line of other housewives from her posh subdivision, Riverwycke. Two of her campaign supporters, Linda Lendley and Claire Krisniewski, actually gave up and went inside for some of Greg's chipotle baby back ribs, black eyed peas, collard greens, and fried macaroni and cheese.

Needless to say, Juliet was highly discouraged. She dropped out of the race only 3 weeks after announcing her candidacy, much to the dismay of her campaign manager and political powerhouse son, Justin. Her daughter Jadria, on the other hand couldn't have cared less. The only time she felt threatened was after the race, when her B-list status was threatened by the new councilman's daughter: Keisha.

Before her dad won the election, Keisha Abercrombie just seemed to blend into the crowd. She was an everyday B student, played clarinet in the marching band, and drove to school in a modest handed-down Ford Taurus.

After her dad won the election, within the first year of his term, Keisha Abercrombie seemed to start an ascent above the crowd. A heightened confidence improved her B average to a strong A. She actually catapaulted into Junior Marshall status and proudly served at East Rivercrest's graduation last year. At the end of her sophomore year, she went up against All-State percussionist Toh Pak for the highly coveted title of drum major of the ERHS Condor Cadet Marching Corps and won. Then, the first day of her junior year, she pulled into the school parking lot in a shiny, electric blue hybrid Honda. Along with her stunning new car, she had a stunning new look.

Keisha was never unattractive--in the face, that is. Everyone always attributed her thick, stocky, 5'5" frame to the food served at her dad's restaurant. No one ever talked badly about it, either. They had to admit that Lick's was good, and if they had a parent at home that could cook like that, they'd probably be a little plump as well.

Anyway, junior year, she emerged just as heavy, but with long flowing, silky brown locks; a stylish, figure flattering wardrobe; and flawless honey brown skin accentuated by perfectly matching makeup. Unfortunately, her rising status and these great looks manifested themselves in slutty practices.

Keisha's sexual history, which can only be dated back to the beginning of her dad's term, now contains more than 3/4 of the guys in the band, Taylor Kensington, Si Everhart, and numerous other East Rivercrest boys. Currently, she is even the interest of Daniela Escobar. Needless to say, Jadria Tollison became highly alarmed that she would not only have to compete with Chryssy Bale, but newcomer to the slut regime, Keisha. Keisha was more than ready for anything Jadria attempted to throw her way, though. She remembered how threatened Jadria's mom was during her dad's campaign, so she decided to fight head-on.

Unlike her dad, Keisha decided that good food was not going to be the answer. She refused to eat anything from her father's restaurant for the whole first semester of junior year. When she returned from winter break, she had lost a total of 37 pounds since the beginning of the year, which put her at a flattering 125 pounds. Her new appearance was so well recieved, that everyone suggested that she compete in the Miss ERHS Pageant. She did, and ended up winning the title of Miss Junior, which seriously angered Jadria. Jadria didn't compete for the class title, but instead the title of Miss ERHS. She lost to Chryssy and only won First Runner-Up, while Keisha didn't lose to anyone. Again, an Abercrombie had topped a Tollison.

This year, after relinquishing her title as the band's drum major, and making the varsity cheerleading squad, Keisha has announced her intent for the crown of Miss ERHS. At this, Chryssy shocked everyone and happily decided not only that she wouldn't compete, but that she would support Keisha with her previous pageant resouces. Everyone in the school took this as a blatant gang up on Jadria, but no one rushed to her defense. We are all pretty excited to see someone other than Chryssy win. We are even more excited that it isn't going to be Jadria--even if it is someone that is just as big a slut.

Justin Tollison

A lot of times, you really have to wonder why things are the way they are. I mean, amongst my usual burning questions of why am I always surrounded by such a myriad of tasteless, classless, and mind numbing weirdos, I am often plagued with the question of why Justin Tollison must deal with the sorry excuse of a sister that he has.

Justin Tollison is the younger brother of none other than Jadria Tollison.

Before I delve into what I consider a highly saddening story on the existence of East Rivercrest's geek-extraordinaire, I must explain that I like Justin Tollison. In fact, I feel sorry for Justin and the fact that he has to share the Tollison name with Jadria.

Actually, Tollison is a name around East Rivercrest that used to be synonymous with greatness. Jadria and Justin's grandfather, Charles Tollison was a very prominent city councilman before he went senile about 2 years ago.

Councilman Tollison walked into a city council meeting one evening completely naked claiming that when the council decided to plow through East Rivercrest Park in order to make way for The Shops at RiverEast Centre, they were "stripping" the community of its beauty, elegance, and grace. I happen to agree with Councilman Tollison, but that night, the loud offensiveness of his bare milky white backside seemed to drown out anything worthwhile that he was saying.

Many people believe that act of indecent exposure filtered through to Councilman Tollison's granddaughter Jadria and has made her the slutty hobitch that she has become. Her younger brother, Justin, however, refuses to live up to any example that anyone in his family has set for him, except that of the pre-senile days of his grandfather, Charles.

Justin, two years younger than Jadria, has vowed to restore his family's name to greatness by becoming the youngest city councilman in East Rivercrest history. Highly active in politics and public policy, Justin skipped fifth grade, and then two years later catapulted past eighth. He caught up with his sister Jadria, who at the time was just in her early years of skeeziness. It didn't really matter, however. Justin has never been interested nor involved in the same scene as Jadria. Even though he possesses the same good looks as Jadria, his rocketing through school made him an instant outcast, mocked for his intelligence and lofty goals.

Even though Justin's brains landed him at East Rivercrest High much before his actual time, he has fallen behind in his grades. A lot of the teachers at East Rivercrest are very vocal with their thoughts on Justin and his academic acceleration. Most think that it was wrong to have him skip two grades. Some clearly just treat him badly because of the image of his naked grandfather burned into their memory.

That never seems to bother Justin though, because even through his struggles to achieve the greatness once stripped from his family (no pun intended), Justin has maintained the pure and flawless reputation of the most God fearing and kind hearted person at East Rivercrest. He never talks badly about his sister, despite her saucy reputation, nor does he ever participate in any of the ever constant tragedy that fills the halls of this school. Justin just does his school work, pours over articles and journals about public policy, and spends time with his girlfriend. Yeah, ever since Becca Gandolfo turned God Squad, Justin Tollison has been all about her, much to Jadria's disapproval.

"I really do love Justin," Jadria said, flirting with Taylor Kensington last Wednesday afternoon. It was right after the last bell had rung, and M and I were looking for Taylor to see who would be this week's Hump Day Hump. Clearly, he had not had any luck with anyone else, so Jadria was the last option available. "I wouldn't dare fool around knowing that he is going to be home."

"If you love him so much and care what he thinks, then why do you treat him like shit?" Taylor asked. This glimmer of compassion from the school's biggest tool was such a shock that M almost chocked on it's Altoid.

"I just don't want to see him ruin a good thing. He's come so far, you know? And I really just think that him dating that Italian mob girl is just going to keep him from doing what he wants to do. You know, tarnish his flawless reputation," Jadria explained.

"Like she knows what a flawless reputation is," M scoffed still trying to soothe it's throat from the close call with the Altoid.

"From what I hear," I replied, "She gives a flawless blow job." M laughed and was suddenly choking again.

"Well, hell," Taylor sighed. "He is keeping me from what I want to do, too." Taylor was now adjusting what appeared to be an enlarging bulge in his crotch. Jadria looked down and giggled.

"The wrestlers are jogging this afternoon, I believe. Coach Powers' office will be unoccupied for the next hour and a half--" Jadria trailed off as she walked in the direction of the boys' locker room.

"Hey, J, an hour and a half? It's not gonna take that long, baby!" Taylor said, adjusting himself as he ran to catch up with her. Then he stopped in his tracks and scratched his head. "Why do you know so much about Coach Powers and the wrestling team's practice schedule?"

Patrice Fendle

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be Jadria Tollison. No, I don't really ponder what it's like to be a slut, rather, I wonder what it's like to be among the popular girls at school, lusted after by the better half of the boys at the school, and still not the best.

As I mentioned before, the only thing that Jadria can beat Chryssy Bale at is world's biggest skamp.

I believe that if Jadria just looked around ERHS a while, she could truly find someone that she could commiserate with; Patrice Fendle.

Patrice is by no means a slut, though. And no one would dare call her one. Even if she posessed ho-ish qualities, everyone would be scared to call her that because they'd be frightened of getting killed.

Patrice is an alleged murderer. This is what happened.

Up until the end of last year, Patrice went to school at Hiram Hall. She and a guy named John Dabner were tied in an epic battle for none other than... the top GPA in the Junior class. Well, the top 10 students in the Junior class are always known as the Junior Marshalls at the graduation of the present Senior class, and the Junior with the highest GPA out of those 10 is considered the Head Marshall. If you ask me, it's nothing but a bunch of pomp and circumstance that could really be done without. I know when I go to graduation, I won't be paying a lick of attention to the Junior Marshalls. Yet and still, I don't think that I would have said that to Patrice last year.

The Senior Class sponsor that year at Hiram Hall was a man named Mr. Fletcher. Being a man that made a big deal out of everything, he called Patrice and John to his room right around the beginning of the second semester and told them that there was no way that there could be two Junior Marshalls and that they needed to step their game up and both try to win top honors in the Junior class that year. Patrice took this as a very serious challenge.

She worked dilligently to get ahead of John, but the more she tried, she actually began to slip further behind him.

By spring break, Patrice had slid to third in the class, behind the previous number three, Mei-Song Le. And it was after spring break that some weird things started happening.

Three weeks after spring break during 5th period, Mei-Song was rushed to the emergency room because of an intense burning sensation in her stomach. Doctors concluded that she had a very serious case of food poisoning. This led even more controversy, seeing how she had eaten some Lo Mein from her parents' Chinese restaurant for lunch that day. Her parents were forced to close their restaurant, despite the fact that several students claimed to have seen a hooded figure standing over Mei-Song's lunch while she got up to get a soda.

Mei-Song never returned to school that year. And between her missing so much school for her illness and not being able to catch up, Patrice was back in spot number 2.

Then, John Dabner died.

No one really knows what happened, or how he died. Being Jehovah's Witnesses, his family didn't have anything investigated. They seemed to accept it with a stoic calm.

Patrice on the other hand, laid on her grief extremely thick. She held a candlelight vigil for John on the football field; got Student Council to place a plaque in the trophy case for him; and she made t-shirts with his face on them, sold them, and donated the profits to an administration established scholarship fund in his name. All this was considered extremely weird, seeing how Patrice always seemed to keep to herself and never showed one bit of emotion until John's death. Everyone began to subscribe to the thought that she was trying to cover something up, but no one had the balls to say anything to her.

Needless to say, by default, Patrice Fendle was to be Head Marshall that year. But she wasn't.

When she transferred to East Rivercrest three weeks before the end of the year, everyone said that they had heard that someone threatened to expose Patrice's dirty secret if she didn't relinquish her title as Head Marshall, so she transferred. Who knows?

What we do know, is that Patrice's GPA wasn't good enough for top honors here at East Rivercrest either. She was second to Head Marshall Si Everhart.

And now, senior year, she is still second to Si. Or at least she is for now.

Wilson Towers

First Baptist Church of East Rivercrest sits a little southwest of East Rivercrest High. It's one of those super mega churches attended on Sundays by bored, lonely, susceptible housewives and their terrible children. Every now and again, when there isn't an important football game on, the wives will be able to drag their husbands to church. But, oh, wait... that's right... they don't care. While the only man they should be interested in at church is Jesus, they are more than likely swooning over Reverend Franklin Towers.

No one ever talks about it. None of the horny women that is, but people who don't go to the church and the teenage female members of the church that go to ERHS do. As a matter of fact, it's so taboo, that even Chryssy Bale blushes at the mention of her dear pastor.

"Yeah, I was at church on Sunday, Becca," Jadria said as M and I passed her in the hallway. Becca Gandolfo was apparently evangelising again. "You really don't need to even try to get me there on a Sunday. My mom is all about church, and rightly so! Rev. Towers is so hot!"

Right at that moment, Chryssy walked by, basically burned a hole through Jadria with a ridiculously pungent glare, and then resumed her conversation with her friends.

"Ugh, Jadria has a point though," she giggled. "Rev. Towers is... truly a blessing." She smiled as she started up the stairs. "Oh, hey, Wilson! How is your dad?"

"How the hell should I know?" said a rough looking guy with messy jet black hair and ripped jeans coming down the stairs. "I'm pretty good though... why don't you come over this afternoon and let me show you?"

"Oh, Wilson, I could never fool around with you! Your dad is my preacher!" Chryssy squealed. "You're so silly!" she giggled with a flirtatious shove. Wilson pervertedly followed her ass up the stairs and almost tripped as he got to the last step.

"Ugh, Wilson Towers," M gagged. "I wish he had tripped."

"What's so wrong with him?" I asked. "I actually respect him for thinking for himself and not mindlessly following what his dad thinks."

I've always respected Wilson Towers. He is probably one of the only people at ERHS that I can say that I like more than I despise. He is rude. He is vulgar. He is not incredibly smart. And he's not picture perfectly handsome. He's just a regular old bitter teenage kid, fed up with the life that he is supposed to live.

Usually, Wilson towers has one huge episode a year that requires a week or so suspension from school. Freshman year, he cussed out Coach Powers for calling him a weak little church boy during the Presidential Fitness Test. Sophomore year, he got drunk with first year teacher Ms. Risengast in the English department supply closet. Last year, he interrupted a Fwish meeting by busting in and playing Smells Like Teen Spirit on his saxophone. He hasn't had his run in for Senior year yet, but we assume that he will go out with a bang.

One reason I think Wilson is so bad ass is because he sees the hypocrisy within his family... that, and he is basically a whore for attention. Truly, his dad is a good man, but he neglects Wilson, his mom, and three younger brothers for all of his church business. Wilson's mom really couldn't care less, though. No one knows for sure, but rumor has it that she could not be further from a preacher's wife. No one ever sees her around town, much less in church on Sunday.

At one point in time, First Lady Darlynn Towers was a name synonymous with beauty, grace, elegance, and sweet hospitality. Not only was she the first lady of First Baptist of East Rivercrest, head of the Junior League, Rotary Club, and Hands on East Rivercrest, but she was also the top selling real estate agent in the county. One summer, Rev. Frank went on a missionary trip to Russia, and it's said that Darlynn took those three months to sow her royal oats. By the time Frank was back, their picturesque 4 bedroom Victorian house was up for sale, Darlynn had resigned from all three of her leadership positions in the community, and left the real estate agency where she worked to start her own. After a huge fight that almost split Rev. and Mrs. Towers, they sold the house, moved into a 3.6 million dollar 8 bedroom estate (which is said to have a his wing and a her wing), and Darlynn opened the Towers of Dreams Real Estate Agency. The agency closed its East Rivercrest doors after only 11 months and moved to the city where Darlynn has meetings over cocktails with high rolling designer suit wearing CEOs and CFOs in order to sell them quarter-mile high penthouse condominums for their time away from their suburban wives.

So as one could imagine, Wilson and his brothers are usually left to their own mischief while their mom is in the city and their dad doing the church thing. The Towers are actually so busy that they are unaware of Wilson's yearly terrors at ERHS and his brothers' equally offensive mishaps at the middle and elementary schools.

Yet and still, the East Rivercrest community flocks to First Baptist for weekly inspiration and uplifting sermons on what would Jesus do?