Camryn Fetner

As much as I hate to admit it, there is a hierarchy of students in high school. Yeah, I hate it, and it's quite apparent that I don't really think it means much of anything. But, in a way, it's how things operate. Honestly, if there was no hierarchy, East Rivercrest would not be as disgustingly interesting as it is.

This is how it is... For the girls, there's Chryssy Bale followed closely behind that skeezy bitch Jadria Tollison. For the guys, it's B. Poole and then Taylor Kensington. But now that I think about it, there is no second for guys. We aren't that particular about our status. Girls on the other hand, are... and that's why there are girls like Camryn Fetner.

Camryn Fetner is the daughter of East Rivercrest's most well known cosmetic dentist. Dr. Caryl Fetner is responsible for the perfect smiles on all the PTA moms that aimlessly parade the school halls in the middle of the day. Since no woman in East Rivercrest would ever want to be considered second best to anyone, they all go to Dr. Fetner for their sparkling white, perfectly aligned teeth.

Ironically, Caryl's own daughter, Camryn was not blessed with excellent teeth. For this reason, Dr. Fetner put her daughter through the most socially corrupting 3 years of her life. For three years, Camryn Fetner wore SERIOUS headgear... and this orange paste on her teeth that not only made her look like a jack-o-lantern, but it made her mouth smell like rotting sewage.

It was awful. To have a class with Camyrn was like a death sentence, because not only would you smell it all class period, but wherever she went, the scent just seemed to linger there. Needless to say, East Rivercrest smelled atrocious for my freshman through junior year. The custodians did everything in their power to try to rid the school of the smell. They even went to Principal Higgins and asked if all Camryn's classes could be held in the old unused shop room. He obliged until his wife came home saying that Dr. Fetner offered her a free whitening and alignment if she could get her husband to let Camryn have class like a normal student again.

So, Camryn strode the halls with her massive apparatus on her head and her raunchy orange teeth. She and her mom did everything they could to make the rest of her appearance pleasant, if not glamorous. Every day from the second semester of freshman year to the end of our junior year, Camryn Fetner had on an exorbitantly expensive new outfit. Chryssy and Jadria didn't even raise an eyebrow. For all they cared, she still stank and looked like a space cadet. However, some of the B-list girls at ERHS saw Camryn's style and the status of her mother as reason to follow her and be her little entourage.

So, from about sophomore year on, Camryn had this little clique of well dressed tragedy that followed her around EVERYWHERE. Hanging out with Dr. Caryl Fetner's daughter and wearing the same type of fabulous clothes that she wore? They really thought that they had arrived. The sad part was, that yes, they had nice clothes and straight teeth (thanks to their leader's mother), but they stank... AND they were the ugliest and dumbest girls in the school. At least Chryssy and Jadria in their sluttiness are actually attractive and intelligent.

So, this went on for all of sophomore and junior year. Finally, at the beginning of this school year, Camryn emerged free of stinky orange paste and her head gear. I will never forget that morning that we all saw her. Somehow, news had gotten around that she was going to be coming to school normal for the first time. We stood in the concourse that morning and all of a sudden, M came running in saying, "Camryn's on her way in!"

The whole concourse turned to the front doors completely silent. It had to be the first time in the history of the school that it had been that quiet. When she walked in, it was hard to see her because the light from the doors shone around her and made it so that we couldn't see. When she finally got close enough for us to see her, we were shocked.

Before us stood the ugliest girl imaginable with the straightest, most brightest, most beautiful teeth anyone had ever seen... and she was wearing an insanely expensive Guess sundress.

She turned her head to get her stringy red hair out of her face, and like flies to rotting fruit, her nasties approached her showering her with their praises of adoration. The rest of us in the concourse just watched in awe. I think most of us were just shocked with how cool they thought they were, until Jadria Tollison shared her thoughts on the whole situation:

"Y'all, do y'all notice that like for the first time in 3 years, the school doesn't smell like shit?"